teacher? more like shmeacher

tired. i am very tired right now.

it is very difficult to assess teaching, take what i have learned from the assessing, apply, and then re-assess. especially when tired. it is not the satisfied, work well done type of tired. it's a more frustrating type of tired. certainly not a hopeless tired, which is good.

but, what am i supposed to do when i have one student who asks another one, "why are you looking at me, do i have a dick on my face?" what? what the hell does that have to do with anything. the reason you are being looked at is because you are acting like a rabid raccoon and won't stop f-ing talking or making noise.

well, that student is removed from the class. it seems like order might be restored and they just might complete their silent reading time. cue the 5th grader that decides to start talking in baby talk and denying it immediately after and during bouts of baby talking. wow. more sugar, let's give them more sugar.

i did find some bad news out about one student who has been very off lately, not following directions, not doing class or homework, and has changed quite a bit over the past 3 weeks. i spoke with her mother and found out they are just starting to go through a divorce. the students' behavior now makes complete sense and i will continue to keep that in mind. it is really amazing how much what is going on at home will affect a child's behavior, decision making, and overall ability in school. also, reminds me to stay positive and compassionate with my students because they go through some very heavy stuff.

the power of writing things down is amazing. already, looking at what i am writing, i laugh at what they say and what they do. no, it's not appropriate what they are doing, but it could be much worse. certainly not the end of the world and i still feel confident in the connections i have made with these students and that these days are just going to happen.

my job is to not let these days be the ones that i remember, but the days that we do well and get through lessons and have fun are the ones floating around in my head.

incentives

one balance that i am struggling to find in my classroom is using incentives. i have put into place a system of logical consequences that seems to be effective and is a visual cue as to how the students behavior has been. however, i feel that in order for this to be even more effective, i need to have incentives to give them a reason to make good choices in the classroom.

i have found this very difficult for many reasons. first, the space i am in does not lend itself to having some kids working and other having free time, playing a game, etc.... not only because of how small it is, but also because of the shared classroom. also, i do not have a full-time para, making it difficult to have some kids being supervised doing one thing and the other group also being watched. i would really like to be able to show a movie every once in awhile, maybe even as often as once every week or couple weeks. this is very difficult because i have a shared classroom, i am in the basement which means i can't get a tv in my room. we used the music room once, but only were able to because she was absent. there is also no dvd player downstairs and we had to use the computer.

even with these complications, we have been able to have free time, play games, and watch a movie once. along with these activities have come problems. they can't handle it.

maybe i need to model correct behavior, but i don't think that is the problem. they get overwhelmed with the ability to make their own choices. even with the movie, people had a very tough time watching it and not complaining about it. when i told them we were going to watch a movie because they had done a very nice job with their testing, one student, with a bummed out look on his face, asked me "can we talk during the movie?". what? what the hell? why can't you just watch an f-in movie. would you rather do work?

again today, we were playing multiplication fact around the world. i went over what we would be doing before we started, let everyone know what is expected, and a full overview of the schedule before lunch. i was lenient with behavior, letting them chat a little, little smack talk. it was kept under control. and then 4 or 5 just started yelling and calling out, ruining it for everyone. it was frustrating to see because we couldn't keep playing because those students will still do the same thing. the immediate consequences wouldn't be enough to deter them. the more longterm consequences of the reflection paper, office visit, and call home would not be pleasant for them, but they are not thinking that far ahead.

so, work towards creating more consistent incentives, more short term and visible incentives to give them a reason to work towards making good decisions.

smarter than a fifth grader?

this job is complete karma. i am pretty sure i used to be a total pain in the ass know-it-all with add in 5th grade. being a competitive person who was somehow blessed with an extreme patience with children, the students challenge me each day. they will ask me a question or show me an answer. if it's wrong, i will tell them so, sometimes rather mundanely, other times i am pretty animated about it. my favorite is when the kids will say "it's right, it's right" as though i don't know the answer. not only do i have the teacher's edition, but i have also done the problem or read the story and i am aware of the answer.

generally, this first part of the discussion is ok. but then they continue to insist. this is where i start to get a little worked up. i want to just tell them that i can assure them i am smarter than they are and the answer they have is wrong. not really a good strategy. the ones that persist will generally get ignored, but that's not really fun because then they just become obnoxious and stop doing work.

in terms of the new seating arrangement, i have no idea why they hate each other so much. it seems to be a very forced animosity that is also fueled by the desire for attention not only from me, but also from classmates.

tomorrow is my wednesday

well, mcas is nearly upon us.

but, i will let that be for now.

monday was a surreal sort of day. it went by rather quickly and the students responded well to directions and went through the motions and managed to be productive, relatively subdued, and didn't drive me nearly as nuts as they did last week. writing was simple and mcas prep related, reading wasn't really anything and then all of a sudden it was lunch. weird.

there is an mcas "rally" (fuck yeah!) on thursday to get all of the kids excited to do their best and try their hardestestest and bestestest for the test so the state won't take away our money to solve the education problem that is massachusetts and the whole inbred-saturated public education system. my thoughts on standardized tests are best summed up in my final paper for grad school, entitled "Measure this". ha. i really liked that paper.

hopefully tuesday will bring more sunrays and sunbeams of knowledge.

lunch of speed

i need to get in the habit of posting after things go well, not just when they go like they did this afternoon.

i will start with yesterday.

yesterday was a refreshing day of actual teaching. monday had been a little rough, but definitely better than last week. on tuesday we were able to read as a group, review, work in partners, and they were able to show they had progressed in their comprehension and in their ability to retain details when reading. we even survived a surprise attack from the superintendent's office. even in the afternoon, they did very well. going over homework and sharing answers. overall, a great day.

today. hmm. this morning wasn't exactly smooth, but we did a very nice job of reviewing and played a modified jeopardy game for our test tomorrow.

the afternoon. wow. seriously, it was like they served speed and acid to the kids for lunch, with a few shots of jack to wash it down.

often, i think the reason for behavior meltdowns is because of what i have planned, that it is not engaging or that it isn't well suited for their iep's and such. today, all bets were off.

for now, i am not going to focus on how to avoid this disaster zone, but to be better prepared to diffuse it and maybe turn it into just an anti-tank mine instead of the a-bomb that was dropped.

there is the chance to isolate the few students that are the catalysts. but that doesn't really work because there are 3-4 main protagonists and without a para, no place to put them. the old "work silently because you're in trouble" is not a possibility either because there is no real consequence if they talk. maybe by listing everything i can't do, i will rule everything out.

i am very flustered right now. i know my students well enough to know they like me. i have no problem being the discplinarian and the teacher. however, going to the principal has become a priviledge to the kids because she allows them to walk around and "help" her with things, rather than enforce any sort of consequences. they also frequently get to go see the counselor during these times, which is just a free block to play. therefore, being sent out of the room is usually more of a joyride than anything else. (of course, for the students' who have parents who actually care, it isn't fun. but they very, very rarely ever need to be sent out.)

fuck.

i would like to revisit this, hopefully later tonight and just get more off my chest and perhaps be a little more constructive in approach for next time.

zero tolerance!! ha!

i need to find a balance here and soon. i am not sure what has happened, but there is a definite change in the atmosphere of the classroom.

we got a new student, just as the class had kind of settled in and got used to each other and that might have created a rift. but i can't imagine that is all.

as i am reflecting on these past few weeks (2) i am doing my best to get some thoughts together as to why they are acting this way.

the simple realization that they could still be coming back from vacation and haven't quite adjusted yet is one theory.

i question this theory because most of the students have been able to bring themselves back into "school mode" with just a couple of students pushing everyone's buttons.

one student in particular really has me confused, troubled, and concerned. his behavior has gone from mildly obnoxious to full-blown out of control. it may be attention based, it may be something going on at home, it may be that he hasn't been taking medication, or it could be a lashing out and testing his boundaries, seeing if anyone is there and concerned and trying to bring him back.

i would like to spend some more time with this student and have asked if he would like to eat lunch with me. he does want to, but i can't let him do that if he continues with his disruptive, disrespectful, and just plain mean behavior.

thinking about this student and what is happening has lead me to really focus on whether or not i have changed or adapted as the year has gone on. i believe i have set some more limitations as the year has gone on. these have come as i have realized some aspects of the day need to be more monitored and their behavior throughout the day needs to be more monitored visually (check system).

for future teaching experiences, i would like to implement these strategies earlier. my lessons have been smoother if anything but i fear that the reading lessons might be a little too difficult.

i need to continue to come up with more differentiated assignments and look into getting some different reading books.