the blinding lack of reason

it continues to amaze me, the choices these students make.

one tick will set them off and they just can't recover, no perspective nor reasoning behind their actions.

a student became disruptive in class yesterday and was not following directions. after a brief time of letting him sit (and hoping he was gathering some thoughts) asked him to come out to the hallway.

once there, i get the silent treatment. something i can definitely handle and was slightly prepared for. one thing i do regret in my approach was that i was a bit too aggresive in the beginning, probably getting him a little bit too guarded and shutting down. but, i quickly toned it down and made sure to be a little more subdued. the reason i was a little too much too soon was because he really was being ridiculous. but obviously not the way he thought about it. also, his lack of listening to directions had me wanting to make sure he understood he needs to follow directions. anyway, round about talking here.

next, i was letting him know he is going to need to say at least a few words in order for us to be able to talk to each other. after awhile of being ignored, i let him know that he has two options. he can let me know if he needs to go to the principal or he can stay with me. still ignoring me, i let him know that if he says nothing at all, there will be consequences and he will be visiting the principal.

needless to say, he stays silent and we go upstairs and he begins to just walk around and be a general pain in the butt, nothing really bad, just a nuisance. to make this story short, he was adamant that he wasn't going to do his reflection paper and was not going to listen to me.

he thinks for a few minutes, listens to me, still adamant that he isn't doing the reflection. told him he should reconsider.

he came in the this morning with his paper.

i must have done something right. he also had a great day today. sweet.

uh-oh

they are almost becoming endearing.

funny note on the day.

usually i keep either a pen or pencil behind my ear throughout the day. last week, the students were making fun of me and started putting pencils behind their ears. i laughed and contemplated cutting their ears off with scissors and then kept teaching. that kind of died off, but i have noticed the past couple days that individual students will put their pencils behind their ears when they are thinking about a problem or waiting for their next instruction.

pretty funny and cute. good thing i didn't cut their ears off.

honeymooning

......i really hope that this is not just that.

the students have certainly shown they are getting more comfortable with the school year, but i still feel a million times better than last year.

i have always, no matter how bad the circumstances, been ok with standing in front of a class. last year, the problem was nobody would ever listen. ever.

this year, they are listening.

i believe this is partly due to the fact that i have some idea what i am actually supposed to and going to be teaching on a day-to-day basis. right now we are working on a tommie depaola unit for ela, incorporating writing into that a little bit. i have a pretty sweet writing assignment i think i am going to start tomorrow about heroes. with so many of these students looking up to less than desireable role models, i want to work with them to identify the positive traits that heroes can provide.

math is still a bit of a review, but i was actually able to sit with them today, work with a lesson i had planned (swish) and even do an activity afterwards. i don't think we did that once last year.

having only 6 students is finally affording me the opportunity to teach. i feel so bad for the 4th grade teacher because she has 13 kids. what a ridiculous thing. but, i am very thankful it's not me, because i have a feeling that i wouldn't nearly as positive as i am right now (see last year).

classroom management is not really an issue with 6 students, but there are still some things they will do to push each others buttons that i am going to continue to work on.

may the honeymoon last forever.

year 2

back at it.

summer was intense and as much as i loved being able to sleep in, i really need to be back in a regular routine.

so far, i am very, very happy about my students. they are at a much higher level than last year, don't have an innate desire to fight and stab each other, and are actually listening.

on a personal note, i feel much more prepared and ready to teach. i have a much better understanding of what i can get done and how to do it. last year was so overwhelming in the amount of material and lack of direction, but i feel confident and ready for this year.

i also hope that i will be posting with much more regularity, because it really does help a lot to get this stuff out of my head and i am able to analyze with a little more clarity after ranting about it.

off we go.

.......

last day of school was yesterday.



every part of my body yearned for this day, counted down the days to this day. i looked forward to every part of this day.

it exceeded all of my expectations.

but..


but.......

as i was cleaning, i began thinking about next years writing assignments. about what i am going to do next year to engage, to better engage them.

isn't this supposed to be the end of the year.

i am not supposed to have excitement about next year.


or am i?

one of my students came and got some work they hadn't got yet.

as he was leaving, he said to me;

"you should stay at your job........you're good at it"

wow.

from a 13 year old.

wow.

all year, i don't need compliments. wow.

this one. this one, however, felt amazing.


thank you.......thank you..



smile.....

heart beats a little faster. he's gone .


still in the dark (power outage) thank you.

all alone.

smile.

thank you.

thank everything for you. wow.


next year.

vacation is going to be great.

but, next year, i am going to be better.

thank you.

persevere

the title of this post is something that i will never have to truly experience.

has your father ever beat you with a belt?

have your parents' ever threatened to give you away to DSS?

do you fear going home because you don't know if your mom is drunk?

didn't think so.

think about that and then go into a classroom and attempt to teach.

i am a bad teacher. i can't wait to fix what i am and how i can be better.

i really can't imagine being in my students' shoes, but i will try. i will try now and continue to try for this year and for the rest of the years that i teach.

all out war

19 days left of school.

title really says it all about that topic. we finished up our MCAS this week and it was tough. When proctoring for my students, half of me wants to help them and give them extra clues and the other half of me is so pissed they can't get the answer right to the topics we covered two days before in class. it is quite a love/hate relationship.

on a side note, i am absolutely exhausted. between coaching, teaching, training, and life, i am running on fumes. remember this for next year and maybe there will be something that i can do to better prepare me for this time of the year. but it is very difficult right now.

almost there.

to touch back on a topic that my last post addressed, i don't like that way my kids make me act/feel. these students are at a very difficult time right now. there world is going to be turned all-which-way around next year, moving on to 6th grade and the middle school. i try to cut them some slack, but it isn't possible. they blatantly refuse to do things some days, the next day wonder why we don't have free time, complain when we get free time that they are bored and then complain some more. it's nuts.

one very positive aspect of these students is their extreme lack of short term memory. not a positive for educational purposes, but for my purpose. they will get in trouble and be really mad that it's my fault they get sent to the office. they won't talk to me and ignore me until they get to the office. but, by afternoon, they are completely unaware of the mornings events and are able to function, which is nice.

rambling. i wish i could post more often, but i just don't have the energy to do it outside of school and i usually don't want to think about school while i am at it either.